Posted by: jgurner | April 27, 2010

Stephen Hawking and why we must fight illegal aliens!

When I first heard about Arizona’s new law dealing with illegal immigration, I was dead set opposed to it. It seemed draconian, racist and down-right un-American, leading to the slippery slope that is the fascist state. But then, I saw the light.

Stephen Hawking said illegal aliens were going to try and kill me.

And not just me, but the entire population of the Earth. We could be killed, enslaved, eaten or used as sex slaves by some advanced alien culture visiting this planet illegally. I mean look at our history. How many “good” illegal aliens have there been in the past 60 or so years? Klaatu and E.T. That’s just about it. But even they weren’t totally innocent and had to be dealt with harshly by the government. Klaatu threatened to kill us all if we didn’t behave, so the Army killed him. And as for E.T. Stealing the secret for Reeces Pieces was just the beginning of a vast plan for controlling the minds of the human race. But the government managed to scare him off before he did any harm.

Even Mork wasn’t as innocuous as we were led to believe. He mated with a human to produce a horrid alien-human hybrid. Plus, he hung around with an insane human who worshiped O.J. Simpson. Guilty by association.

I’m guessing that the good folks of Arizona must have seen this coming long before Hawking sent out his alarm through his Discovery Channel series and decided to take action. They knew that many illegal aliens walked among us already. Like the Cylons, they look like us now. And also like the Cylons, they are secretly plotting our downfall.

Let’s just hope that the government has enough secret alien detectors to eventually allow this program to spread beyond Arizona so every state will eventually be able have its law enforcement officials stop people who look like they are “illegal aliens.”

I’m not sure why this program was started in Arizona, though, when Nevada and New Mexico would seem to be better choices. After all, I’m sure Nevada is crawling with illegal aliens trying to sneak into Area 51 in order to retrieve captured technology and to free any other illegals we keep there. And Roswell, New Mexico, well, that’s got to be ground zero for the illegals, or “space backs,” just like Plymouth Rock for the Pilgrims.

In the meantime, all we can do is be vigilant and watch for any signs that those around us might be illegal aliens. Maybe they’re socially awkward because they don’t know our customs. Maybe they eat food that seem strange to us or speak some kind of alien language when they think no one is listening. Maybe they don’t look exactly like us. After all, it’s hard sometimes to get the prosthetic human suit to fit right or to keep the hologram working perfectly.

So thanks to Arizona for showing us all a way to fight against this evil illegal alien threat. And, thanks to Stephen Hawking for warning us of the dangers posed by contact with these creatures.

Although, there something strange about Hawking. Something familiar, but not quite right…

Stephen Hawking, Earth Genius

Davros, creator of the Daleks and evil alien overlord

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